How to Forgive, Even When They Don’t Apologize

Many people reach a point in adulthood—often after becoming parents themselves—when they start to see their childhood with clearer eyes. They begin to realize that the way a parent or sibling treated them wasn’t okay. That awareness can be both empowering and painful, sparking questions about boundaries, whether to maintain certain relationships, and how to protect their own children from similar harm. And sometimes, even with boundaries in place, the hurt continues.

The Truth About Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not about saying what happened was acceptable. It’s about releasing the emotional grip the hurt has on you so you can breathe, live, and grow without being weighed down.

Research and clinical experience show that forgiveness can:

• Reduce stress and anxiety

• Improve emotional regulation

• Free up mental and emotional space

• Allow you to focus on your present and future rather than your past

But here’s the thing—you have to be ready. Forgiveness can’t be forced. It’s a choice, not an obligation.

The 8 Steps to Forgiveness

1. Understand what forgiveness is (and isn’t).
   Forgiveness is letting go of resentment and the desire for revenge. It’s not forgetting, excusing, or minimizing what happened.

2. Name and validate the hurt.
   You can’t heal what you don’t acknowledge. Write down or verbalize what happened and how it impacted you.

3. Feel the emotions fully.
   Allow yourself to experience grief, anger, or disappointment. Avoiding these feelings can stall the healing process.

4. Decide on the relationship’s future.
   Forgiveness does not require continued contact. Set boundaries based on what’s healthiest for you.

5. Release the need for an apology.
   Waiting for someone else to take responsibility gives them control over your healing. Choose to free yourself instead.

6. Reframe the narrative.
   Consider what you’ve learned about your values, your boundaries, and your own resilience.

7. Practice letting go repeatedly.
   Resentment can return. When it does, gently remind yourself: “I choose to let this go for my own peace.”

8. Focus on your own growth.
   Direct your time and energy toward relationships, goals, and self-worth that nourish you.

If You’re Struggling with Forgiveness…

You don’t have to navigate it alone. Forgiveness is a deeply personal process, and having a safe, supportive space to explore your feelings can make all the difference.

As a virtual therapist, I help clients process their hurt, set healthy boundaries, and release emotional burdens—no matter where they are in the forgiveness journey. Whether you’re ready to take the first step or simply curious about what healing could look like, therapy can help you move forward with clarity and peace.

If this resonated with you, I invite you to reach out for a consultation. Your healing matters, and you deserve to feel free.

A Gentle Reminder

Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. You can forgive someone in your heart and still protect yourself by keeping them at a distance. It’s about choosing your peace over holding onto pain.