When Your Past Shows Up in Your Body: Understanding the Nervous System
Sometimes healing doesn’t start with thoughts or memories. Sometimes it starts in the body.
You might notice your shoulders are always tense, your chest feels tight for no clear reason, or your stomach drops even when nothing “bad” is happening. You may feel on edge, shut down, easily overwhelmed, or exhausted no matter how much you rest. These are not character flaws. Often, they are signs of a nervous system that learned long ago how to survive.
Our nervous system is constantly scanning for safety or danger. When someone has experienced stress, trauma, unpredictability, or emotional neglect in the past, the body can stay stuck in protection mode long after the threat is gone. Even if life is calm now, the body may not fully believe it yet.
How Trauma and Past Experiences Live in the Body
When difficult experiences happen, especially early in life, the nervous system adapts. For some people, that looks like being constantly alert, anxious, or reactive. For others, it looks like numbness, shutdown, or disconnection from emotions and the body.
This can show up as
• feeling easily triggered by noise, conflict, or stress
• difficulty relaxing or “turning off” your thoughts
• overreacting and then feeling ashamed afterward
• feeling disconnected from your body or emotions
• chronic tension, headaches, stomach issues, or fatigue
These reactions are not choices. They are automatic body responses shaped by past experiences.
How an Unregulated Nervous System Can Affect Parenting
Children learn regulation through relationship. They don’t just listen to what we say, they feel our nervous system.
When a parent’s nervous system is overwhelmed or dysregulated, children may sense it even if nothing is said out loud. This can look like kids becoming more anxious, clingy, irritable, or emotionally reactive. Not because the parent is doing something wrong, but because children naturally attune to the emotional and physiological state of their caregiver.
If a parent grew up in an environment where emotions were unsafe, ignored, or overwhelming, parenting can bring those old patterns to the surface. Moments of crying, defiance, or need from a child can activate the parent’s nervous system in ways that feel confusing or intense.
This does not mean you are harming your child. It means your body is asking for support too.
Awareness Is the First Step Toward Change
The most powerful shift happens when you start noticing your body instead of judging it.
You might begin to ask
What does my body feel like right now
Do I feel tense, shallow in my breathing, or shut down
What happens in my body when I’m stressed or triggered
Awareness alone can create space. When you notice instead of push through, your nervous system begins to feel safer.
Gentle Ways to Support Your Nervous System
Healing the nervous system does not require reliving trauma or doing everything perfectly. Small, consistent practices matter more than big changes.
Some helpful supports include
• slowing your breathing and lengthening the exhale
• placing your feet on the ground and noticing physical sensations
• gentle movement like stretching or walking
• naming what you feel in your body without trying to fix it
• co-regulation, such as sitting with someone safe or receiving support
• therapy that includes body awareness and nervous system regulation
When your nervous system feels more settled, it becomes easier to respond rather than react. That regulation naturally carries over to your children. A regulated adult nervous system is one of the most powerful tools for helping kids feel safe and secure.
Healing Is Not About Blame
If your past shows up in your body, it does not mean you are broken or failing as a parent. It means your nervous system adapted to what it needed at the time.
Healing is about teaching your body that the present is safer than the past. As your nervous system learns this, you may notice more patience, more presence, and more moments of connection with your children.
Change doesn’t happen overnight, but it does happen with compassion, awareness, and support.
