Finding Your Voice: How to Build Confidence Through Assertiveness Training

For many people, being assertive doesn’t come naturally. You might find yourself saying “yes” when you want to say “no,” staying silent when something bothers you, or softening your opinions to avoid conflict. Over time, this can lead to resentment, stress, and a feeling that your needs don’t matter as much as others’.

So why is being assertive so difficult? Often, it’s because we’ve learned to equate assertiveness with aggression. Maybe you were taught that speaking up is rude or selfish. Or perhaps past experiences, like being dismissed or criticized, made you feel unsafe expressing yourself. The truth is, assertiveness isn’t about dominating others. It’s about communicating with respect, confidence, and honesty.

What It Really Means to Be Assertive

Being assertive means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear, direct, and respectful way. It’s the middle ground between being passive (avoiding conflict, letting others decide for you) and aggressive (pushing your way without considering others).

When you’re assertive, you:

• Respect yourself by acknowledging that your needs and boundaries matter.

• Respect others by communicating in a calm and considerate way.

• Strengthen relationships by encouraging honesty and reducing resentment

• Assertiveness is a skill—not a personality trait. That means anyone can learn it, with practice and intention.

Practical Tips to Strengthen Your Assertiveness

1. Identify your needs and boundaries.

You can’t express what you don’t know. Spend some time reflecting on what matters to you, your limits, values, and priorities. Once you’re clear on those, it’s easier to communicate them.

2. Use “I” statements.

Instead of saying “You never listen,” try “I feel unheard when I’m interrupted.” This shifts the focus from blame to how the situation affects you, which encourages open dialogue.

I statements are made as follows: I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason]. I would like [specific need or request].

3. Practice saying “no” without guilt.

Saying no doesn’t make you unkind, it makes you honest. You can decline politely: “I appreciate the invitation, but I’m not available,” or “I’m not able to commit to that at this time.” Remember: protecting your energy is healthy.

4. Start small.

If asserting yourself feels scary, begin in low-stakes situations like asking for a refund, requesting help, or sharing a preference (“I’d rather go to the Italian place tonight”). Each success builds confidence for bigger conversations.

5. Watch your nonverbal communication.

Your body language should match your words: maintain eye contact, stand tall, and speak in a calm, steady tone. These signals reinforce confidence and help others take your message seriously.

6. Embrace discomfort as part of growth.

If you’ve spent years avoiding conflict, being assertive will feel uncomfortable at first. That’s okay. The goal isn’t to feel fearless, it’s to speak your truth even when it feels hard.

Final Thoughts

Assertiveness is a powerful form of self-respect. It allows you to live more authentically, improve relationships, and reduce emotional exhaustion. Like any skill, it takes practice but every time you express yourself clearly and kindly, you’re strengthening your sense of self.

If you find it challenging to be assertive, therapy can help. Working with a therapist can uncover the beliefs and fears that hold you back and give you the tools to communicate with more confidence and ease.