Coping with Grief During Infertility: Finding Ways to Heal
Grief isn’t just about death—it’s about any loss, and for women navigating infertility, that loss can take many forms. From failed cycles and chemical pregnancies to miscarriages, still births, and the “what should have been” moments, infertility brings a type of grief that is often invisible but deeply felt. Even at times, couples will not understand each other’s grief. A wife may be feeling immense sadness while the husband is problem solving next steps. Grief comes out in different ways, at different times for different people.
Understanding Grief in Infertility
Grief is the emotional response to loss. In the context of fertility, it might look like:
Mourning the child you imagined but haven’t had yet
Feeling sadness over failed fertility treatments or a pregnancy that didn’t progress
Struggling with the gap between your expectations and reality
Unlike other losses, fertility grief can be ongoing. Each cycle, each attempt, each birthday, anniversary, or holiday can bring a fresh wave of sadness, making it feel never-ending.
How Grief Shows Up with Fertility Challenges
Here are a few examples of how grief can appear for those experiencing infertility:
Chemical Pregnancies or Early Miscarriages – Even early losses can bring intense grief and feelings of emptiness.
Failed IVF or Fertility Treatments – Disappointment and frustration often accompany failed attempts.
Watching Others Become Parents – Seeing friends, siblings, or co-workers with children can trigger sadness, jealousy, or isolation.
Family Pressure – Questions, advice, and comments from loved ones about having children can intensify grief.
Milestone Moments – Holidays, weddings, or pregnancy announcements can amplify feelings of loss.
Loss of Life Plans – Dreams of a big family, family vacations, or certain parenting experiences may feel unattainable.
8 Ways to Help Cope with Grief During Infertility
Acknowledge Your Emotions – Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, or frustration. Grief is a valid response, and it’s okay to cry, yell, or express what you’re feeling.
Journal Your Feelings – Writing down your thoughts and emotions can help process grief and make it feel more manageable and less lonely.
Seek Support – Talk to a therapist who understands fertility-related grief, or join a support group with others experiencing similar challenges. Social media has many groups that help support families going through infertility.
Create Rituals of Remembrance – Some women find comfort in small rituals, like lighting a candle or planting a tree, to honor the loss they’ve experienced or the not chosen journey they have had.
Set Boundaries with Others – Protect your emotional space by gently limiting conversations or interactions that feel triggering.
Practice Self-Compassion – Fertility struggles are not a reflection of your worth. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate small victories along the way. Remember so much of fertility is out of our control.
Mind-Body Practices – Yoga, meditation, music, or mindfulness exercises can help manage stress and provide emotional relief.
Allow Yourself Joy – It’s okay to experience happiness even amidst grief. Small moments of joy do not diminish your loss. They help sustain you.
Grief from infertility is complex, ongoing, and often unrecognized by others. But acknowledging your loss, understanding your emotions, and taking intentional steps to care for yourself can provide moments of healing and hope along the journey.
